Resist through joy
You know how there are some years where you ask the questions and others that you receive the answers? Well, for me, 2024 was the year of the let’s-really-mess-with-her-head-and-pile-on-even-more-fucking-questions, without an answer insight. This was the cherry on top of the last five years, which has produced the dismantling of me and what my life has been with the simultaneous rebirth of who I am now becoming.
This personal push and pull comes with lots of uncertainty—uncertainty that is augmented by the fear and outrage around the most recent cruel and destructive actions taking place in this nation and across the world. The combination of personal and collective fear has been a huge punch to the gut, leaving me feeling unsteady and hanging on to hope by a hangnail because it all seems out of my control.
I’m emotionally and physically exhausted from living in this fight or flight mode. So yeah, lots of unknown change is on the horizon and to help me cope I’ve decided that for the remainder of 2025 I am committed to creating a new “silver lining’ reality for myself. An alternative reality built on finding joy where I stand.
Now before you dismiss me with the “the world is on fucking fire so miss me with your Pollyanna, woo woo, gobbledygook,” hear me out. This isn’t about ignoring reality. It’s about choosing joy as a form of resistance, just like Black people were taught to do during slavery. As I posted on Threads sometime before the election last year, “It is in our DNA not to let them see us sweat, so we will come to battle with a smile on our face, a laugh on our lips, and courage and conviction in our hearts. Joy is part of the battle plan.”
So, I am choosing to go to battle with all this fear, armed with the small delights and building from there. I'm putting pasta and sourdough bread back into my diet (officially and in moderation); I will eat expensive, yummy chocolates without guilt or the need to share; buy fresh flowers every week; engage in spontaneous, last-minute travel (with or without a companion); and gently remove myself from the company of toxic people who vampire my happiness.
To give you the Cliff Notes: I intend to suck every bit of pleasure I can out of each day as a way to resist the fear and hatred that is swirling around me.
Often, we give up joy-inducing pleasures because we find our choices, or the choices of others that are foisted on us, have led us into some dark, dank hole. Sadness, anger, fear, and negativity suck all the joy from us, which leaves us in a self-imposed reality that makes us feel stuck and helpless. And once we get stuck it’s easy to begin the downward spiral that spits out all sense of hope, empowerment, and control as we wind our way to the bottom. It also leaves us weak and susceptible to the negative energy swirling around us, sapping from us our resilience and causing us to eventually cave.
It's during these times that we must work through the pain but still recognize all that's lovely around us as we do so. It's a fight. I know. I'm just climbing out of my own damn abyss—divorce, pandemic, death, business losses, health concerns—shit, the hits just kept on coming these past few years! It got to the point that despite all my coaching skills, spiritual knowing, and a whole team of spirit guides whispering in my ear, I still couldn’t seem to pull myself together to make a clean exit. It took a “do as I say not as I do” moment in a coaching session to finally turn things around.
At the end of last year, while working with a client to create an alternative reality for his life, it dawned on me that all these things I was giving him to do, which were clearly working, I wasn’t utilizing myself. So, for several weeks following that ‘coach thy self ah ha’ moment, I compiled a list of some of my best advice, threw in some action items, and began applying them in my own life. It all began with:
“What you can’t control, let it roll.”
The first thing I did was to take a few days to pay attention and take inventory of my reoccurring negative thoughts. This was helpful because it gave me real insight into how much time I spent worrying about things that I couldn’t do anything about. What I realized was that 80% of what I was focusing on was 100% out of my control. Things like the election, the state of America’s democracy, Felon 47 and his band of narcissistic oligarchs, Palestine, the war in Ukraine, my ex-husband’s actions, my clients’ and friends’ free will choices. I could worry all I wanted but it had no impact on anything but the quality of my own life.
Even breaking down the last 20% of my worrisome thoughts helped me see that half of those could be tempered with a perception reset. This not only whittled my give a shit list down to a manageable size but freed up a whole lot of brain space to use to formulate a plan and a purpose, which gave me a newfound sense of being in control.
“This is being done FOR you, not TO you.”
Taking the time to figure out how things were happening for me instead of why they were happening to me was invaluable. It forced me out of victim mode, which is a joy zapper for sure, but also one of the fastest ways to strip away your sense of agency. Once I could identify how these changes were pushing me out of a too tight, familiar but boring comfort zone, I stopped seeing them as things I was losing and more as opportunities for growth. Yet another subtle mindset shift that added to my perception reset.
“What are the benefits of your choice to embrace the fear?”
Being honest with myself, one of the huge “benefits” of embracing my fears was that it gave me an excuse for inaction. I was forever in “research paralysis” steady working on ‘figuring things out.’ This meant that I didn’t have to make decisions because I couldn’t decide on anything. I didn’t have to risk failing at building a subscriber base on Substack if I didn’t ever start.
See the fear and procrastination garden is rich with fertile soil to grow an unhealthy crop of rationalized “reasons” (read excuses) for not having, doing, or being something or someone. But this is a lonely and painful plot to tend.
Eventually, the pain of staying stuck became greater than the fear of moving forward. And as my spirit guides say, “Pain is the disconnect between what your soul knows to be true and its desire to lead you there.” I wasn’t listening to my soul’s truth, and it took its toll.
“Stay in the moment, it’s the only place where you have control.”
Every day since I began my silver-lining reality, I’ve had to remind myself to stay in the moment. Instead of worrying about things in the future that may or may not happen, I’m focused on today. Today all my bills are paid. Today my children are thriving, and my 97-year-old mom is alive and well. Today I got two new subscribers and did my part in contributing to humanity by helping another person find the love within. Today, all is well in my world.
Staying in the moment has also refreshed my sense of appreciation and gratitude. It’s increased my happiness quotient and has me vibrating high again. And feeling lighter and more hopeful has made me want to pursue joyful activities that enrich my life through the difficulties.
Already, my decision to intentionally live joyfully and pleasure forward, though some days a struggle, has helped me regain my sanity and equanimity during these trying times. It’s also breathed new life into the slogan I adopted years ago as my personal and professional mantra, “True masters learn through joy." Words to live by, don't you think? I also added the hummingbird to my signature symbols (the sun is my official icon). The hummingbird represents joy, survives on freedom and nectar, and if you cage it, it will die. These totems are important reminders for me to keep joy as part of my battle plan, even as I find ways to fight the powers that be.
Sunshine and Joy. Free to be authentically myself and live on the sweetness of life. Be happy and thrive in 2025. That’s my plan, now what’s yours?
